December 2009
1 post
entering a relationship with someone who was previously a friend has made me realize how fucking weird I am in relationships.
I can’t believe how much I’ve pulled away…
this week he toothbrushed me (bought me a toothbrush since I spend the night so much)..and I think he told me he loves me? Maybe it was an accident..nevertheless, it terrified me beyond belief..and its not the...
November 2009
6 posts
the next model UN conference is in Vancouver, in January.
Model UN = same problems as real UN, only hard for cynics such as myself to get wrapped up in…because they are preoccupied with dirty thoughts of going rogue, and bursting out in raging diatribes which seek to confront the real problems…in effect, condemning many of the actions taken by the real UN.
but in order to be...
again, last night I had a paralyzing nightmare…
I wake up in a panic, brought out of my sleep by some small noise which I attribute to a man breaking into my room to rape me. This is followed by 30 seconds - 1 minute of paralytic terror accompanied by silent screams, before I am able to move and say anything.
I hate it.
It always happens unless I’m either drunk or sleeping next to...
when I counted up my demons..
saw there was one for every day
with the good ones on my shoulders
I drove the other ones away.
all is not lost.
if I hear one more of my friends tell me about rape I’m going to scream.
no.
I’m going to keep turning back to school.
I will be in policy.
I will fucking kill the Stupak’s of the world.
knowledge is power, degrees cannot be...
Evans school at UW = hot sex.
hotter sex = many of the policy and law schools that I was interested in at the fair yesterday told me that I’m pretty competitive…my lackluster GPA can be subjugated by leadership roles, kickass essays, and high test scores.
Under new and interesting courses:
Special Topics- Competing for Prosperity: Applying Theory and Best Practice to Overcome the...
and again, it happens.
yet another relationship that will never get past initial predilections to closeness because he is intimidated by me and feels a need to put me down. I can’t speak latin, I know nothing about ancient history, football, acting, have no sense of balance and coordination…yet I am not at all intimidated by any of this. I love that when we go out and meet other...
NWMUN is next weekend….
somehow I’ve managed to throw myself into mass amounts of research..not sure where I found the time.
this is what I have to do. I have to work in Politics. I have to live in a big crazy city, I need a job that requires at least 60 hours a week, I need it fast and hard.
Life is so blissfully normal. Last week I was reading in bed with him, while he was...
October 2009
7 posts
I just got off the phone with his mom, who is helping me raise health supplies for the city in Guatemala my club is working with.
She is wonderful.
We talked for 40 minutes…
I have never been respected like this by a straight guy…it is so over the top that I can’t help but believe it is fake.
so.so.sohappy.
also he wants to go for a walk right now, and it is 11 pm. And I am studying for my mid-term tomorrow. I’m assuming that walk means “talk about things”, which is exactly what I have been trying to avoid. Maybe I will just talk about model UN and statistics the whole time, and how I hate relationships.
he said he is going to bust into the model UN conference as North Korea...
oh god.
I’m going to hang out with him and his parents. In their home. I don’t typically do those types of things….oh god. freaking out commences now.
no, first I’m going to take a killer stats test. then I’m going to work, not sleep, and drive home with him and hang out with his family. And then I have work and a test the next day when I get back. That’s the...
also, I can’t fucking stop listening to Sigur Rós, Starálfur.
trying to read about two sided tests to prep for my lab in half an hour..
distracted immensely by thinking of how hot last night was..
and how I should have worn a turtleneck because it’s a bit obvious
AND I’m going to New York again, for model UN, meeting with actual delegates, in the UN building. sex.sexsex.
...
I woke up this morning at 8:50 a.m.
Got up to stretch, hit my head on his window.
definietly still drunk from the night before.
80’s night was….immense. It was as good as a clubbing night in Europe again.
so drunk…I threw my high heels at my house as we passed it on the way to his, so I had a lovely barefoot walk of shame this morning wearing his huge sweatshirt, make up...
the waiting is killing me.
they think it metastasized from his brain, or right behind his retina.
all I can do is cry. I love my Dad so much….what am I going to do when he has to go through radiation and chemo???
my fucking dad has cancer again…
I think I’m falling in love with him [not dad]. Is it because he is so unequivocally by my side while I’m piecing myself back together?
does it matter?
Dad has cancer, metastasized… I’m not going to have a dad anymore…
what else matters?
September 2009
24 posts
FUCK the senate finance committee.
the fucking conservadems need to get the dicks of the insurance companies out of their fucking throats.
last night, as I was getting ready to leave for work, my roommate said that we had actually not paid enough for rent and that I owed him money. I asked how much, and he said $4. Split between the three of us. (oh fuck! four WHOLE dollars???) He was quite upset that he’d had to pay everyone’s share, and asked me to pay him back. One dollar. I asked why he was letting me off the hook...
Kashmir: more reasons why I hate power... →
I just listened to a crazy podcast last night concerning Kashmir, and found this empowering story this morning.
topping my list of “things in which I delight” is being “ambushed guerrilla style by right wing christians.” I think it’s cute that they try to wash away my sins. (in vain)
Oh, lord…please forgive me… (for last friday night, and my fornication sins with the same sex…..whhhoooops! LESBIANS!!?!?)
anyway, this [not the fornication, the christian...
four events planned for this quarter, DONE.
dracula dash, whatcom land trust, compass to campus (which is getting a TON of PR from news stations..awesome), festival of trees. all spaced perfectly.
kickboxing on tuesdays and fridays.
debate team on monday, international affairs/ model UN wednesday, also volunteering at the Y on wednesdays (hello kickass letter of recommendation, from the exec...
He spoke to me in latin when we woke up this morning.
My best friend likes him.
He loves to go on long hikes, and reads the work of greek philosophers.
He is so fucking cut.
She likes him.
ugh I can’t do this..?
My eyes are still misted over, as I struggle to collect myself after just finishing the last pages of “A thousand splendid suns.”
I had to actually take a break from this book last night, and wait until I was in the confines of my parent’s living room to finish it. I’ve never had to isolate myself with a book before in order to handle it, as if it were some strong...
Yesterday was the absolute best day of summer.
The night before (two nights ago), around 2 am: rain began to POUND the streets of Bellingham. I sat happily in my coffee stand, reading “a thousand spledid suns.” I hoped the rain would dissipate by the next day, when Dylan and I were going to hike Baker, but wasn’t worried. That’s what REI is for right? gortex and...
hooold up.
my new painting is coming from tel aviv.
so it’s probably some Jewish slut starving artist’s hand upon the canvas.
I just came. evvverywhere.
could I be any more of a loser? I’m curled up in bed on thursday night, happily switching between ebay, a world atlas, and a book about a woman traveling through gaza.
what has my life turned into…ahh I love it.
Is it...
sex. sexsexsexsexseeeexxxxx
I just found.
Rothko. Fulled sized reproductions on ebay for $10.
nom nom.
I feel sad for the little art whores who painted them. but I want them. all of them. on the all opposite my pretty bay window.
“And whoever doesn’t like it [talking about the independent state, of...”
– Yassir Arafat
new house. writing like crazy. reading. writing. kickboxing the shit out of dudes at my gym. driving across the state. driving back. drunk. sober. pounding my bike so hard against the pavement I lose control of it and end up bloody. planning, organizing events for BAP next summer. writing.writing.writing. friends, surrounding myself with friends.
none of it is fucking helping. none of it can...
“brezhnev is massacring afghans and all that peanut eater can say is I...”
– The Kite Runner
anyway.
new york.
story number 1.
I had been wandering around for an hour in Harlem looking for my hostel, when I finally gave up and walked into a random one that I happened by. All the rooms were filled, I was again out of luck.
Brian overheard me talking about how I couldn’t find my hostel, and volunteered to look it up and carry my bags there for me. Hot and tired, I was game. He...
“Those included unfolded ballots, votes for candidates inserted inside bundles for other candidates, miscounted ballots, missing material, uniformity of markings, seal numbers which did not match numbers on the record of seals and lists of voters with numerous fictitious card numbers, the statement said.”
[bbc]
Karzai = bullshit
I loved Obama’s shout out to McCain today and the thumbs up.
mmmm. cross -party comraderie. even if fake, still sexy.
not as sexy as the new intelligent gay conservative I have found to debate against. sex.
I was interupted from writing earlier by my best friends to come get me, which is the usual morning for me since they have been back from cali.
life is good, life is distracting me from the burning image of Abraham’s huge lubed up shaft…burned into my memory..
I’m drunk
I’m getting ready on my heated tile bathroom floors, I’m listening to beyonce on my new surround...
sorting through my dishes this morning, I noticed a few down turned canvas boards lying on the drying rack. Turning one of them over, I was met with one of the greatest delights that could have come to pass at noon on a tuesday.
Jesus sucking the menstrual blood out of a woman he had just savagely killed. I immediately put it up on the wall, this priceless piece of art must be shown.
A while...
the fucking cat outside my new house has creepily stalked to right outside my bedroom window, where it continues to meow banefully loud. I want to explain to it that I can’t let it inside because Nick is allergic to cats, but I’m not quite sure how to get it across.
I hate that it knows the location of my room, and recognizes my weakness for cats.
“A woman’s mind can...
I don’t understand how you can smile with all those tears in your eyes..
please tell me everything is wonderful now
he was so intuitive when he asked me what was wrong last night.
we had broken into my old house, and climbed through the window onto the roof to look at the bay. what should have been a wonderful evening with a guy that is so…exactly what I need right now, so sweet in the last few weeks…turned into me swiftly brushing off what was turning into an auspicous relationship…
and...
August 2009
4 posts
specialized…or bianchi..
I’m kinda drooling over bianchi.
or maybe just a cheap, older cannondale…like the sweet 87 my new roommate is getting.
not being able to write anything is really weird for me. hopefully this gnarly writers block goes away before school starts..this is worse than cock block..
it’s really funny to me that after two guys try to do something awful to me, three amazing guys walked into my life apropos of nothing and force me to absolutely love straight men. My jaded, aversive if furtive ideas about the y- chromosome have completely changed because of a terrifically horrifying experience..in a really good way.
i love it.
Doesn't telling women that they can't wear... →
July 2009
15 posts
packing.
my arch nemesis.
cookie monster guy that first eats up all my open tabs for awhile, and then turns my computer into an unmitigated, colossal fuckface of a clusterfuck: the abhorrence of my existence.
well, now that my (brother’s/dad’s) computer has crashed, I guess that’s one less thing to pack for NYC.
I was quiescently listening to Miles Davis playing on my...
It seems so crazy to me that Manuel Zelaya is demanding aid from the US like an indignant child, yet he can’t speak english.
oh god. I sound like a conservative.
but seriously…isn’t that frustrating for him to have to bring translators everywhere?
Am I just a self-centered (read: American) neo- colonist?
New fav republican: Congressman Weiner. so crafty and non-partisan in...
Tonight, Jason (one of the regular creepers) came by as usual, and as usual he discussed with me more of what he has deduced about my personality since the last time we talked. He has decided that I am an EXTREME introvert, which I find rather annoying because, A) He has no idea what introvert means, B) Psychoanalyzing your barista is not a good conversation starter, and C) Just because I would...
some fun things I have learned about the catholic church (from another Mary Roach book, love her):
the body of christ (aka a cracker..which I have always found wildly entertaining) can’t be thrown out. The priest HAS to eat it, unless it’s moldy, in which case they are “done away with in the sacrarium.” After a quick google search, I learned that a sacrarium is a sacred...
